A Snowball’s Chance

Monday, 31 Dec, 1986- Holiday break with wet snow blanketing the ground as the kids head to their Pierson Salvage hangout to chat about their best Christmas gift.

Ace (Whitney): maybe someday his parents would offer presents Ace actually liked. But once again he found a dozen gifts under the tree that would please the heart of any other kid (just not Ace). It was his housemaid Patsy who gave him the KISS poster personally signed by non-other than Gene Simmons himself!

Eric (Mike): with darkness coming sooner in winter, his mom got him a very practical gift- a headlight for his paper-route bike. SO strong it could blind a person on the street. For his November 13th birthday, as a new teen, his grandfather gifted him the time-honored native custom of spending an hour in a sweat lodge.

Ein (Joey): he got the standard box of socks from his grandmother, but it was mom who got him the fancy new Nintendo Gameboy! Ein spent the rest of the day mastering a solo venture of the Pokémon game.

Evan (Jordan): around his house, Christmas isn’t as exciting as the other kids: the pile of gifts in the corner included books and new dress clothes. At least his uncle Steve gave him the fancy wrist-rocket slingshot.

Lukas (Aaron): Aaron forgot. Besides, he had to ride the throne all day. What a premonition of things to come!

The kids came from different directions as they joined up on the road to Pierson’s Salvage. Despite their different colored winter coats, they all sported a brownish vertical streak on their back, courtesy of the muddy snow slung from their rear tires as they rode along the plowed roads. They laughed at each other after parking their bikes.

Inbound: They were 15 feet from their hangout when suddenly: 4 snowballs hit Ein from head to toe as another knocked the Gameboy from his hands. Eric rushed for cover behind a snow-pile pushed beside the driveway after yelling “Ambush!” Ace scooped a handful of snow making his own snowball as he too sought cover. Ein dropped to his knees in frantic search for his new toy now sunk in the snow.

Evan ran in circles unsure where to go: his bad luck he ran closer to the threat as he was hit by 5 snowballs (Condition-upset). “Graves, save yourself. It’s the twins and bullies!” Up close and personal, he had no problem making his own snowball and pelting Erika Sanders before running toward his friends.

Eric used his lacrosse stick to launch a snowball with precision and punch, hitting the smaller bully, Joey. Seeing his friend exposed, Ace jumped in front of Ein to shield him as he targeted Ben. Ein panicked as Ace’s close footsteps packed the snow making it harder to find his Gameboy. [Condition- Exhausted] [+Pride] “Found it!” He ran for cover.

And that’s when 4 snowballs (from behind them) arched over their heads towards their foe. But these snowballs…broke left, right, down as if guided to their targets. “Thump, thump, thump, thump.” Darrel cried out, “No fair using technology!” Ace mused “Homing snowballs?” as he targeted the Darrel standing exposed. Eric turned to look where these new snowballs came from and spied another 4 snowballs arcing towards the foe. The Sanders and bullies broke from cover and ran away. Taking parting shots, Evan hit Erika, while Ace hit Ben square in the face before he turned to run.

The Professor: Eric cautiously moved closer to the supporting fire and saw the 4-barrel bazooka propped on the hood of a car packed with snow. “Whoever you are, thanks for the help.” And that’s when they heard a familiar voice, “That WAS fun. What do you call this game?” The kids began to smile, “Professor Dangle?” Four other deep voices broke in, “Hah! Did you see those kids run away?!” The small man (puppet) climbed onto the car hood to correct them, “Professor Donald D. (D for Danger) Diggleby, at your service. Ah, just the kids I was looking for!”

But the kids were more focused on the other voices coming from the bazooka: snowballs with faces and mouth chattered and laughed. Ein wiped his eyes, “I was up too late last night. I must be dreaming.” Eric pinched himself while Evan looked at the puppet and snowballs with interest. Ace- petrified, hid behind Ein. After a quick huddle, Evan stepped forward to ask the snowballs, “Were the other snowballs that hit the bullies your brothers or do you just reform in the tubes?” Eric thought of the possibilities, “Can you make frosty snowmen by yourselves?”

Diggleby interrupted their chatter, “Time is ticking. We’ve no time for play, we have a case to solve… Agent Moose is missing! I need your help. Why so urgent? Why, the whole world is at risk… well, OK, maybe not that level of threat. The annual awards are tonight, at midnight, and he’s the prime candidate to win the prestigious Sherlock Holmes Award.” The kids asked, “Who are the other candidates? Who stands to gain with Moose’s absence?” As Diggleby rattled off Nancy Drew and the Pink Panther, the kids asked, “And the Hardy Boys too?” Diggleby was surprised, “You know them too? Well, I don’t know all the candidates as I’m not on the awards committee. You’ll have to ask them when we get to my dimension. You do still have that space-heater, right?”

The kids looked at each other in doubt, “Oh yeah, it was confiscated by Loop personnel.” And then Diggleby remembered and reached into his pocket, “No problem: that’s why I brough this along.” He revealed the Loop hard-drive, “Are you ready to go?” Evan used his walkie-talkie to radio his uncle Steve, “Yeah, can you call our parents and tell them you are hosting a sleepover for all us kids? Don’t know how long we’ll be on this other case. Can’t explain yet.”

Diggleby’s World: At least the excitement of it all cured their conditions. At first the hard-drive started to turn red just like a heater. But then an odor became apparent. Suddenly the kids felt their heads spinning as they seemed to be sucked into a wormhole and tumbled through space. Dizziness when they landed in another winter wonderland. Cold but instead of snow, this one had flakes. Not snowflakes- dry flakes. Almost like dehydrated potato flakes. The kids paused to check themselves out:

Eric: his Hockey Stick becomes Lacrosse Fiddle Stix with 3 buttons on handle. Move/Sneak: Press one button and a rubber ball appears in net ready to be slung. You define what else it can do.

Ace: his Walkman becomes a Magical Musical Thing. Clue: strum a song- Move/Charm/Empathy: play the appropriate music to evoke which effect you want (weapon, distract, sooth). You define what else it can do.

Evan: his Crow becomes the Schylling Tim Bird. Empathize: You define what he can do. (example: it has a camera in its head that displays image on your handheld device).

Ein: his Epson Laptop becomes an Etch-A-Sketch (whatever you draw becomes real). Tinker: # successes = quality and #d6 for duration (add value for # rounds).

Agent Mouse’s partner: Professor Diggleby interrupted their fascination, “Agent Moose, midnight, remember?” The kids composed themselves, “So, where was Moose last seen?” Diggleby brightened, “That’s the spirit; I knew your investigative skills would come in handy. You’ll have to talk with his partner, Agent Owlfred. Come this way.” As they trekked through the powdered snow, Ace tried to be tactful: instead of pointing out the puppet slowed them down, Ace offered, “Perhaps if you sat on my shoulder, you’d get a better view.” They stopped under a tree in the forest, “We’re here. Owlfred, you home? I’ve brought more experienced investigators to help find Agent Moose.”

A small squirrel appeared on the branch above then flew/glided down to land on Ace’s musical stick. “When did I last see Moose? We were investigating the disappearance of Timmy. Lassie told us how he fell down the well. We went to investigate. As Moose leaned over the walls to check inside, I warned him ‘I wish you’d be careful’. A noise behind us drew my attention and when I looked back, Moose was gone. Just vanished. I looked and called but couldn’t find him.”

[What the kids didn’t learn: it is an anti-wishing well]

The Anti-Wishing Well: Ace went to investigate the area where Owlfred heard a noise while the others checked out the well. Eric noticed the set of moose-prints going to the well but none leaving. Evan dropped a rock into the well: one one-thousand, two… “Plink.” “If I did the math correctly, it’s 12-16 feet deep. You could get injured falling that distance. Maybe he’s unconscious at the bottom.” Ace returned with a metal (gold and silver) feather, “I found this over by that tree.” Owlfred squealed, “That’s one of my brother Owlbert’s feathers! What was he doing here? Last time we talked, he said he had a new job as a guard but didn’t say where.”

Ein drew a flashlight that appeared in Eric’s hand: they looked down into the well and saw the stone walls and floor, “Looks like a side tunnel. Who wants to go first? Wait a minute, you said Lassie reported Timmy gone?” They called out, “Lassie! Lassie girl, come here.” Ein drew a dog-whistle and blew but still no dog came. Which only made Ace more suspicious, “Maybe she’s in on the kidnapping. Sorry, meant moose-napping.”

Evan sat in the bucket as the others lowered him down. “Snap! Thud!” The end-of-the-rope nailed to the crossbeam wasn’t meant to hold the weight of a kid. [Condition- Injured] Evan painfully called up from the bottom, “Everything’s fine. The rocks broke my fall.” He handed the end of the rope to his new Grave (Schylling Tim Bird) to carry up to the others. They tied it off on one of the vertical support beams. Diggleby shimmied down without a problem. Ein made it down but earned burned hands from his fast descent. Eric used his winter gloves and braced his legs & back against the 3-foot diameter well as he descended without incident. No confidence in his strength, Ace considered a pulley system, “Owlfred, how strong are you?” “Well, I can lift 4 worms at a time before swallowing them whole.” [Calculate] Ein stood on Eric’s shoulder as they held one end of the rope as Ace untied the other end from the post, looped it over the crossbeam, and tied it around his waist. “OK, lower me.” Ein’s magical flashlight had already disappeared. [Luck] Ace remembered his own flashlight and led the way through the tunnel, heading east.

The Labyrinth

Stone Corridor: They followed the tunnel till it opened unto a long 4-foot-wide stone corridor bracketed by 20+ foot tall walls with sky above. No end or side passage in sight. Ace placed his hand on the wall as they walked along, “Maybe it’s an illusion and I can find an opening by feel.” Ein thought about drawing Grinch boots to grow taller but stopped when Evan launched his paper-Graves to scout from above. And that’s when they heard a cockney voice, “He’s not hungry, is he?” “Who said that?!” The kids couldn’t see anything. And that’s when Ace’s hand got tangled in vines.

And that’s when the creature stepped out of the wall. “It’s a Roper from DnD!” Ace slashed at the vine with his pocket knife. [Tinker 0] Ein tried to quickly draw an RPG launcher but messed up the drawing. Evan loaded his Christmas slingshot with a pebble from the ground and fired, causing the creature to recoil some. [Charm 1] Eric tried to reason the situation and called out, “We didn’t mean to scare you or hurt you, just defending ourselves.” Roper let go of Ace’s hand, “He attacked me first!” Ace rubbed his sore wrist and apologized, “You just scared me. So frightful… not saying you have an ugly face…” Roper sulked, “Well, your ugly faces scared me too.”

Graves landed on the stone floor in front of a side-opening that the kids still couldn’t see. Once again that cockney voice, “Oowe, gov-ner. Smart bird. I guess he knew to use his peripheral vision to see thru the illusion.” William the Worm crawled out of a crack, “Thanks for not hurting Roper too bad. Why yes, I did see a moose go by a few hours ago. A couple of tall, ugly fellas drug him along with a bag over his head, headed towards the castle. Smaller ones accompanied them. But be careful… there be goblins and trolls, and forgetfulness ahead. Keep an eye out.”

Stone Maze: They stepped thru the side-passage into a Stone Maze, complete with a brick ceiling. Passages that turned left or right in either direction. “Wait a minutes. We just turned right, but if you look behind, what should be a left turn is now right. What’s going on?! Everything is shifting as we go.” Even their footprints were missing. [Lead 1: healed his condition leaving one die in the pool] Evan applied his DnD mantra, “Always go right.” Eric added another idea, “William said trolls… maybe their scent still lingers.” Each sniffed without success. But when asked, Owlfred’s keen nose came to their aid, “This way boys.”

Goblins, Oh My: And that’s when they came to a bridge before 2 stone doors guarded by 2 goblins. “STOP! To cross the Bridge of Death ye must solve our riddle. One of us brothers tells the truth while the other tells lies: One door leads to the castle; the other to ‘certain death’. What shall it be?” Ace convinced Ein to check out the doors. As Ein stepped on the bridge, a mist suddenly appeared before the doors followed by the creak of a door opening and Ein was whisked into the mist and gone. “One to death, who’s next?”

Ace called out, “Hey door, which of you leads to the castle?” The goblins looked at each other puzzled, “These kids don’t listen. Maybe they have fine earwax we could harvest once they meet their death.” Eric asked, “What’s your names?” In reply, “I’m Bo and he’s Frank.” “No, I’m Bo and he’s Frank.” Evan finally spoke up, “If I was to ask your brother which door to use, what would he say?” Both goblins pouted in disappointment, “Clever one he is… me brother would say the right door.”

Bog of Eternal Stench: They crossed the bridge and entered the left door, finding themselves on a path around a bubbling bog. They covered their noses to block the stench from below, when they heard “Help!” Ein had his feet braced on a slide angled into the bog, “I can’t hold on much longer!” Eric pulled out his Fiddle-Stix and pressed the 2^nd button: his toy lacrosse stick extended 6ft giving Ein a handhold to climb free. “Phew, thought I was a goner. Thanks.” They continued along the path around the bog and entered another door.

The Junkyard: They stepped into a junkyard with narrow passages between towering stacks of junk of every description. At least they could see the castle just up the hill. All they had to do was navigate the passages. And that’s when they confronted Janet, the Junk-Lady who saw Evan pulling a rope from a stack. She gave them an evil-eye stare as she warned, “Mine, all mine. Keep yer hands off!” [Empathy-Ein & Eric failed] Mesmerized, Ein forgot all about their mission and began searching for computer parts while Eric searched for Indian artifacts. Ace tried to slap Eric out of his confusion but only reddened his cheek, “We’re too close to the castle, we can’t give up now!”

And that’s when Evan felt the tug on his shoulder and found his paper-Graves clutching with his tiny feet as a hand tried to pull him off. [Force 2] Evan held Graves as he pulled back himself, dislodging the other end of the hand from Janet’s backpack. She complained, “Hey, that’s mine, give it back!” [Charm 3] Evan offered a trade, “Free our friends and I’ll trade you this raptor claw for your Sticky Hand.”

CLIMAX/SHOWDOWN

They paused at the foot of the drawbridge stretched over the moat as they contemplated their plan.

The Bridge Guard: [Investigate] Evan and Eric heard the flap of wings in time to see the metal bird swoop at Ace. Maybe their cautionary warning caused it to miss as it rose to begin another attack. Owlfred called out in surprise, “Owlbert?! What are you doing, these are my friends.” Ace searched his backpack for a bottle of water to douse the metal bird in hopes of rusting it. [Move + Pride] Eric pulled out his Fiddle-Stix and pressed buttons #1 and #3. A ball materialled in the net: he slung the ball towards Owlbert. [Empathy 2] At the same time, Evan launched Graves to intercept and grapple the metal bird. Thus, as the ball neared the two birds confronting each other, a net deployed from the ball (button #3’s effect), trapping both.

The tangled birds fell to the edge of the moat and rolled into the water. Metal feathers littered the edge of the moat. As they looked at the sinking birds, it dawned on them they saw fur where feathers once were. Owlfred revealed, “He’s molting, changing into his new self. I wonder what I become when I molt?” Their wonder… and fear… materialized as claws sprang from the end of a wing and a furry chest burst from Owlbert. “It’s an Owlbear!”

Evan was already climbing down the edge of the moat to rescue Graves. Ace was advancing with his pocketknife till he saw the Owlbear. Eric reached with his lacrosse stick to use its net to scoop up Graves. All backed up and readied as the Owlbear climbed out of the water. Evan had his slingshot loaded as he barked, “What have you done with Moose?” [Charm 2] Ace strummed his Musical Thing in a gentle lullaby as he reasoned, “We’re your friends.” Owlbert lumbered forward in a menacing stride but paused to shake off the water, and in a meek voice, “Thank you for saving me. I can’t swim. If you’re a friend of my brother, you’re my friends too.”

The Castle: They opened the double-doors and found Natasha sitting on a throne with Boris at her side. A quick scan of the room revealed a single door on the far side and another door behind the throne. Natasha stood to condemn them in a Russian accent, “You are not welcomed. We did not invite you. Begone peasants.” Evan strode towards the steps to the throne, “Save it lady. We’re here for Agent Moose.” “Who is this Moose you speak of? We don’t know any…” Evan interrupted her, “MOOSE! Where are you?” Natasha instructed, “Boris, escort these kids out of my castle else we call out the guards.”

At the mention of Moose, Evan saw Boris’ eyes look towards the far door. Evan ran towards that door as Boris tried to convince him otherwise, “Moose came willing… he is not here… or there.” [Charm 2] Ace tried to keep Boris busy, “Come now Boris, please do the right thing.” [Lead 0] Ein kept questioning Natasha to distract her but failed. [Charm+Luck 2] Eric joined in, “You haven’t heard our sweet deal.”

As Ace checked the door behind the throne, Ein abandoned his efforts to distract Natasha and descended the steps to join Evan who was already opening the far door. [[Charm 1] Eric kept up his ploy, “It’s the deal of a lifetime you’d regret not taking. Russian caviar plus….”

The Dungeon: Evan opened the door to reveal a dungeon where four 2ft tall troll dolls turned in unison to ponder the intruder. 3 sat at a table playing cards as the 4^th stood at the mirror combing his hair. He heard the flush of a toilet from another side room to imply a 5^th troll doll. Evan tried to act nonchalant, “Excuse me, Boris said you have a bathroom in here?” Ein soon appeared to echo the bluff, “Yeah, bladder check and us kids have small bladders.”

Too bad Eric couldn’t keep up the ruse (1 Charm success not enough). Natasha heard the dungeon door creek open and realized their game, “GUARDS! Intruders.”

“Holy CRAP!” Evan and Ein watched as the small dolls began to grow and transform… into 8ft tall Trolls. Both boys quickly exited the dungeons (locking the door behind them) to warn the others, “Trouble’s a growing and coming!” Pounding on the locked door and cracks appearing hinted the trolls would soon be upon them.

Ace looked for an exit but realized there was only the front door, and they hadn’t found Moose yet. Eric checked the bedroom as a possible hiding place till he realized his friends were at risk. [Empathy 3] Evan wiped a tear from his eyes as he apologized to Graves, “Sorry buddy but I need your help. He pressed the small button on the toy bird’s chest then sent it flying towards the first troll that exited the dungeon. “KABLOOIE!” The flying bomb detonated, killing the first troll and wounding the next.

[I used Microsoft's Bing Copilot AI program to compose this image]

[Tinker1 + Luck1+Luck3] Ein quickly spun the Etcha-Sketch dials and drew a large hammer that materialized in his hands. He strode forward and began smashing the remaining trolls. Boris pleaded he stop, “My guards, my only guards. Who will protect my lovely wife, Natasha?” [Move 1] Ace strummed his Musical Thing with a throbbing KISS song that sent musical notes crashing into the last troll, clearing their way into the dungeon.

They searched the bathroom and even behind the shower curtain. They opened the kitchen cabinets and pantry. It was Evan who checked the coat rake. He moved the coats and found a pair of legs. He tugged the coats down and found Moose’s antlers used as the rack. They ungagged him and led him out of the castle. As they crossed the bridge to return to Diggleby’s town, they encountered Snidely Whiplash who stood with a puzzled expression.

EPILOGUE

Outside the castle, they found a wet Owlbert all apologetic, “If there’s anything I can do to make up for my actions.” They rode on his back as he bound over the maze walls enroute to the award committee ceremony.

Statler and Waldorf

Timmy

Statler and Waldorf stood on stage and explained the selection, “Timmy arrived to explain his rescue and return by Boris and Natasha, raising their score from 93 to 95. Then Nell arrived explaining how the Russian duo had rescued her from the hands of Snidely Whiplash, thus raising their score to 97. “It looked like a close race till you arrived with Agent Moose. Professor Diggleby; if you’ll step forward.” Diggleby was presented with a copy of Sherlock Holmes’ deerstalker hat and his meerschaum pipe.

Donald choked up, “I don’t understand, I was only at 95 while Agent Mouse was at 99.” Statler and Waldorf explained, “Elementary my dear professor: we count the number of investigators involved in each case. And for your co-agents, we present them with this lovely participant award.” Each was handed a talking Pet-Rock.

Professor Diggleby said goodbye to the kids, “Can I count on you if I ever need help with another case?”

The kids were disappointed when they exited the dimensional vortex back into their own world, covered in real wet snow. The current time: barely a minute past their departure. They each quickly checked their belongings and found their Iconic Items returned to normal. The Pet-Rocks: now a regular Magic 8 ball.

BACKGROUND

Boris/Natasha kidnapped Agent Moose to prevent him from solving his 100^th case so THEY could be the first to reach 100 and thus win the annual award. They kidnapped Timmy and solved his missing case, jumping from 93 to 95 points. They contracted Snidely Whiplash to capture Nell and tie her to the tracks so they could rescue her and thus earn their 97^th case solved. Now they just need one more case solved, and with Snidely’s help (3 investigators to turn in Agent Moose), THEY would reach 100 cases solved first! If only Snidely would hurry up and get here!

As for the scenario: months ago, I happened to ask Nathan when he was going to create another Professor Diggleby scenario. He mentioned the ITD Call-Of-Cthulhu version of The Great Innsmouth Caper. But before I watched that, I began drafting this scenario. Obviously: part the Labyrinth, part world of Rocky & Bullwinkle, Lassie and Timmy, and whatever else fell into place. But the story began off of another series of kids’ books: Agent Moose.

As for the first groups to playtest the adventure, checkout:

https://rigglewtfl.blogspot.com/2023/12/a-snowballs-chance.html

https://rigglewtfl.blogspot.com/2024/01/a-snowballs-chancev2-nell-jan-ravn.html